Fk the Duck

I know I am behind the times.  Phil Robertson isn't exactly news anymore.  A&E has reinstated the controversial social messiah/television patriarch, and all the world has rejoiced, lamented, fought each other over the internet, debated on the news sites, name called, and whatever else people tend to do when such internet scandals erupt before their very Instagramed lives.  But, there are two reasons I've decided to tackle this: people are no doubt still searching for updates to the story to this day, and I finally broke my unofficial Eleventh Commandment and watched "Duck Dynasty" for the first time.

The first one explains itself.  I am just jumping on the bandwagon blasting my views as though I really even matter in the infinite space of YouTube Superstars and celebrity bloggers (some of whom I adore and respect; in this case the latter of the two).  The second one isn't so obviously explained, especially if you know me as a person.  Why on Earth would I--or anyone--watch this show?  

I originally created that new Commandment before ever debating Phil supporters simply because I didn't have to watch it to understand what it was all about.  I grew up in Texas.  I know what a redneck is.  I could also tell based off what I'd read about Phil and friends that the show was highly staged, and perhaps modestly humorous at best.  Frankly, I didn't even have to engage the debate or read the article in question to know every and anything Phil could have said regarding his views.  Tell me there is a redneck Christian involved, and that's all I need to hear.  Put that finger down now!  Phil and friends find that term endearing, and I am using it as such.  Not as an insult.  I promise.

For me, watching the show was motivated by two reasons.  First, I immersed myself in the ongoing "controversy" concerning one of America's most beloved yet culturally flagrant television heroes.  The second reason is simply because I had to cancel my Netflix account due to being broke, which forced me to finally use my Amazon Prime account, which has the show available (though that's really about all they have going on to be honest), and I thought I'd finally just watch it to confirm what I already knew.

Let's dive into this by addressing both sides.  First, the show is blatantly intended as entertainment only.  Mindless entertainment.  Anyone taking this show seriously, or calling it "wholesome family" television is an idiot.  Anyone attacking the show is also an idiot for the same reasons.  It's a show you have on while you're trying to sleep if you need background noise.  It's a show you actually pay attention to if you're trying to take your mind off of any notion of an impending zombie apocalypse.  It's a show you explore if you've never eaten squirrel and dumplings or myriad other foods not often found along the highways of America's gastronomical roadtrip (and squirrel is actually not too bad).

Any Christian getting their crucifix and holy water out in preparation for a holy war after watching the Robertsons' abridged and almost comical end-of-show-meal prayer

                                              (actual Robertson family meal prayer footage*)
                                                                          *not really                                         

is pretty unfortunate.  These people are no more or no less Christian than any other person you meet down the street.  They don't preach anything of value in the eight episodes I've watched, and they don't have discussions I think you'd have heard between Jesus and family.  When's the last time Jesus said, "If you catch squirrels for your woman, she will never cut you off in bed?"  How anyone feels inspired to do anything more than deuce up the bathroom after watching an episode of this show is beyond me.

And anyone getting mad about what Phil Robertson thinks is over-thinking this whole thing.  Who cares?  This guy is a self-proclaimed redneck with a lackluster education everyone likes to make a big deal about (BA in Phys Ed. and a Masters in Education sometime in the '60s/'70s), who was at the very least a rampaging alcoholic at one point, and depending on how you interpret his various quotes about sex, drugs and rock-and-roll, perhaps involved with other "deviant" acts as well.  Why would his opinion matter to anything other than a critter (read: dinner) seen prancing about his acreage?

It shouldn't.  Neither Christian, nor homosexual, nor politician, nor pastor, nor random jogger in Central Park, nor FOX news correspondents should care about this guy's opinion.  I support his right to say what he thinks even if I disagree with how media personalities think they have a platform for their opinions.  I support A&E's rescinded decision to can him from the show if his beliefs make them feel like their money bags might spontaneously combust.  I even support their decision if they did it to give the show a media booster to clear out 2013's Duck Dynasty "people-actually-buy-this-crap" inventory.

I support Phil Robertson's opinion even if it is based on questionable logic potentially procured from doodlings on the bathroom walls of his church.  By the way, people who tossed keyboards over freedom of speech debates need to polish up their reading skills and reread the Bill of Rights.  Here's an easier version of logic as to why your arguments about the First Amendment "violations" are stupid.

TL; DR Bill of Rights stuff
Phil Robertson's opinion about gay people:  not related to the Bill.
A&E's decision to can him:  not related.
People peacefully protesting marriage inequality laws and being shot in the head by the military:  related.
(That last one didn't happen. . .in the USA, anyway.)

Now, I will state here that I disagree with his views.  I think his statements were pretty heinous and insulting to people at times.  We could argue the semantics of it all day long and you'd lose.  I think his brand of Christianity is outdated, and I wouldn't go to him for advice concerning anything other than how to survive a zombie apocalypse whilst in the swamp.  I think anyone who sees him as a hero really needs to reevaluate their definition of heroes.  And if you're a woman, I think you should be offended by his chauvinism.

If you watch "Duck Dynasty" and do anything more than sleep, go to the bathroom, pick your nose, turn off the TV or related afterwards, I think you should reevaluate your life and what's really important in the world right now.  It's a (highly staged) TV show designed to lower your IQ and anxiety long enough so you can take a break from life.  That, and to sell you lots of products so A&E execs and the Robertsons can live like kings.  I won't even bother ranting on how sad I get about my fellow humans when I see near-empty "Duck Dynasty" merch rigs at any given store.  

But let's be real honest: there's nothing pioneering or really interesting about the show.  Yes, I've watched eight episodes.  I think I laughed once at Si because he let the granddaughters dress him up like a girl (irony really makes me chuckle).  I kept watching the show hoping to find some beacon of hypocrisy I could point out in a discussion (and there are several examples, but I switched gears when writing this).  I was looking for flaws so I could point them all out and feel accomplished.  But then I realized the error of my and everyone else's thinking, and I set down my hostility, and I came to my senses, and I decided to address what really bothered me about the whole fiasco.

Regarding the actual entertainment value of "Duck Dynasty," I think you're better off reading a good book.

What do you think?

ではまた。